We were seated at a crowded restro-bar on a busy evening. My client, Kevin, sat to my left. To his right were two girls at the next table, catching up after a year apart. Their food had just arrived. It was early in the night, and the place was packed with diners.

A light, friendly exchange started between all four of us — a bit of situational humour, a few personal details, nothing intense. The kind of easy conversation that lasts a few minutes and then naturally dissolves.

Sensing that the moment had reached its natural peak, I created a clean exit by saying,

“Your meal is staring at you, waiting for your attention.”
It was the right move. Their food had arrived, the moment was still warm, and exiting at the high point preserves respect, social grace, and attractiveness.

Five minutes later, I noticed Kevin angling his body toward them again. He re-entered the conversation without taking stock of the moment.

Instantly, I saw a shift.
The girls’ body language softened, but not in a receptive way — more in a polite, “We’re eating now” way.

The earlier curiosity wasn’t there anymore.
Kevin, on the other hand, looked restless. His mind was still inside the previous interaction even though his body was now out of it.

I suggested we step outside for some fresh air.

Once outside, I asked him,
“What were you thinking after we exited the first time?”

He replied,
“I found the girl on my right cute, so I wanted to talk to her. Maybe take things forward.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “But what made you walk back into their space at that moment?”

He shrugged,
“Because she was cute. That’s all.”

And that was the moment everything clicked.

I told him,
“You’re putting your impulse ahead of the moment, the context, and their situation.”

He had not paused to read their mood, their timing, or the environment. He hadn’t thought two steps ahead. He acted purely from impulse.

He said, “But I’ve never seen any YouTube video talk about this.”

I replied, In“I’m not blaming you, Kevin. But this is not maturity. And it adds to your unattractiveness — especially around socially savvy women and people in general.”

He wasn’t just inexperienced.
He was unaware of his immaturity, which is far more dangerous.

Let me dive into the theory of this subject.

We all are familiar with the word ‘mature’, ‘maturity’, and ‘immature’ in different aspects of life.

I do not want to go in the broader definition of maturity, because it may not really apply to our conversation.

However, if I have to defined maturity for our conversation – Maturity is expressing/conducting yourself with the right amount, at the right time, to the right people, for the right reason — and having the inner awareness to know the difference. This applies both offline and online (including texting).

In the context of Dating and Relationships, emotional maturity is more widely used term, but there is more to maturity. It can be expand to social maturity, courting maturity, escalating maturity, leading maturity.

In the above example, Kevin, lacked social, courting, and emotional maturity. He was unable to govern his impulses around those women.

Lacking Maturity is one part of the equation.

Being immature, and not being aware of it or rather believing otherwise, is a lot more dangerous territory to be in.

Unfortunately, the information on the subject of male-female dynamics online has pushed a lot of men into the path of immaturity believing it to be mature.

As as a coach, I get a glimpse of this when I ask certain questions to my clients.

Why maturity is attractive – and immaturity unattaractive?

• Maturity signals intelligence; immaturity signals unintelligence.
• Maturity feels safe; Immaturity feels unsafe
• Mature men come across considerate; immature men comes across as inconsiderate.

Traits of a Mature Man

• Emotionally Intelligent – Matters a lot more in relationships.
• Contextually / Socially Intelligent –  Matters a lot more on dates, courting, and approaching
• Good with words – Matters across the board
• Self- Aware
• Undefensive
• Knowledgeable about female nature.

Emotional maturity is just one layer.

Social maturity is the layer women feel.

Behavioural maturity is the layer the world respects.

Texting Maturity is the layer women responds to.

And contextual maturity is the layer that separates men from boys.

When a man operates from maturity, everything about him becomes easier to trust, easier to like, and easier to be drawn toward.