I’m going to talk about something very different from what you’re used to.
I’ve kept this to myself for years because I hesitated to speak about it.

Now, I’m not.

How often have you read or watched something about “the art of approach,” different types of approaches, or approach anxiety?

Many times, I’m sure.

But we rarely pay attention to one important question:

Who to approach?

A typical shallow answer might be: the one who is attractive.

A less shallow answer might be: the one who is easy to approach.

A reasonable answer might be: the one who is open to being approached or giving signs of openess.

But there is a deeper answer — a spiritual answer.

Before we go into that deeper answer, let’s reframe the question:

Who is the right woman to approach?

Yes. There is a right woman.

Here is the answer. Read mindfully.

Imagine a man walking along the promenade. He sees a woman. The moment he sees her, he naturally PAUSES — not just in his tracks, but in his entirety. He keeps looking at her attentively and intently, without apology and without defensiveness. She sees him looking at her. She feels the pause in his eyes and in his face. She sees the absence of defensiveness. All of this is transmitted back to her, making her intrigued and curious. She too slows down — in her eyes and in her face.

That is the right woman to approach. Why?

Because the source is primal, spiritual, and the feeling is mutual.

All of this requires a good presence of mind and a strong degree of self-connectedness.

A good presence of mind means the ability to be present outside and within at the same time.

It means to be open to receiving, it means to be aware of that feeling of pause, it means to be mindful of any defensive thoughts and overcoming them, it means to be mindful of her body language, and it means to take an action.

Self-connectedness means to be strongly present with what you may feel when the moment arrives. It means being in touch with the degree and intensity of the feeling.

The feeling of pause can be of different degree and intensity. If it is mild, you can let it go. However, if it is intense, then you will be taken into a bubble.

What do you say when you approach a woman?

Speak the truth. As much as you can.

Yes. You still need to frame the truth in a tactful way.

One example of what can be said:

“You had quite an impact on me, as you must have already seen.”

Another one, which I have used:

“I am intrigued by you. Join me.”

Important Pointers:

Some of you may be thinking, that this approach of putting yourself on table is giving your power away to women.

Well, that’s amateur thinking. Trust me it’s not. This is not the usual games you are used to seeing.

Some of you may be thinking that this feeling of pause is a rare phenomenon.

Well, I agree its not a frequent occurrence, but its not rare too. There are multiple factors that are in the play. The environment and quality of women therein, also plays a role. Your ability to have a perpetual presence of mind is also another factor that determines how often it may happen to you.

Some of you may be wondering, I’ve never felt this feeling of pause, and would want to feel it, how should one go about it?

There is a process to be able to come to a place, where you can tune yourself to feel it, and act on it. I cover that in my one on one in-person coaching, but only with clients who are open to it.

What if you pause, as you feel it, and the woman sees that, and yet her body language is indifferent?

Well, she is not yours to be approached. Just let her go.

What if you pause, as you feel it, and the woman does not get to see that element in you?

Well, it’s necessary that she sees the effect and impact on you, otherwise it’s just a one way street.