The better way to meet women in India: Active or Passive?

Let me explain the context of my post.

In my perspective a man can go about two ways to approach and meet women in India.

Active way is what most guys go about, as pick up artist’s videos preach that. It’s hard core cold approaching. It’s a numbers game.

Passive way is what very very few guys practice. Primarily because they are not aware of this approach and it’s requires a certain mindset.

So what’s about active cold approaching appeals to most newbies?

The thing about active cold approaching is that men who were sitting on sidelines for years or forever, now finds hope.

Active cold approaching is about going out to high volume environment like malls, streets and approaching one girl after another irrespective of her invitation and any other social factors.

It’s similar to cold calling, hoping something will land.

It’s actually a game.

Active approaching requires courage and balls. Physical fortitude is also an essential requirement as it is physically exhausting.

Other than that I can’t think of any strong attributes one needs to have for active cold approaching.

Logically it makes all the sense as we are unconsciously fed that a man has to walk up to a woman.

While passive approaching is unfamiliarised as it demands a lot from guys plus it is not marketable and hence less saleable.

Passive approach is more about lifestyle change first and then bringing in activeness in approaching and meeting women.

To add clarity, life style change means changing the way you spend your usual non working time. In addition to that, being extremely aware for any openness among women, so that you can approach them.

Examples of lifestyle change are joining an NGO, an activity group, socialising in cafes and bars and so and so forth.

A guy can go to a cafe, with a book or laptop, get his work done or enhance himself by reading book and along with it, he meet women.

This is by far the most effective passive way to meet women.

Unfortunate part is the volume of girls. A guy cannot expect to approach as many girls as he can in active cold approaching.

Passive way of approaching women is not meant for all guys.

It requires a relax character, certain respect for social graces, reasonable earnings and good social intelligence.

In addition to that it requires a non hidden agenda mindset.

Passive way of meeting women is far from game and near to way of life.

So which is better?

Active approaching may seem viable and appealing to our masculine image, but on a long term it is deceptive.

Most guys who start on spree of active cold approaching see short term positives and are unable to foresee long term negatives.

Short term positives are, now for first time they will be talking to girls in large numbers, the kick a guy ego gets, feels masculine in long time and possibilities of getting girls.

Another very deceptive short term positive is the way girls respond and react. Among many girls these guys approach, some respond with pleased demeanour and also give out phone numbers.

These responses to a newbie seem a huge step forward. In reality, there is a cap on it.

Which because of lack of experience of women these guys don’t recognise it. And they keep on doing more and more approaches.

Hoping their forward March which started as an shy guy and now to a guy who can randomly talk to a girl will continue into a woman’s pants.

Alas! The ending is different.

Yes one positive aspect of active cold approaching is now this shy guy is not that shy anymore.

I know of a guy who was the most active cold approacher both in terms of time and volume now abuses active cold approaching.

It took him more than 2 years to recognise the long term negatives.

Personally the biggest flaw of active cold approaching is lack of social development of a guy.

Social Intelligence is compromised with more active cold approaches.

Practically it cannot be followed through in long term as it is physically exhausting and compromise day to day life with hardly any tangible outcomes.

Another notable thing I have come across among guys who are big participant of cold approaching is that they have either been verbally abused, socially ostracized from a venue or even physically intimidated.

Yes a more calibrated mall and street cold approaching is not met with these distasteful outcomes.

Having lambasted active form of cold approaching, I would say that it has also done good for guys in helping them opening up.

Plus in certain social environments like nightclubs some women might appreciate the ballsy part of active cold approaching.

So I am not discarding it completely.

Passive cold approaching does not make sense to newbie as it contradicts traditional belief systems about approaching and meeting women.

In addition to that, there is an element of inactivity which can bug a guy who has some purpose to go out is to approach women.

Fact of the matter is that passive way of approaching to meet women will have way less volume compare to active cold approaching.

So a guy who goes to a cafe/meet up/dance class will feel waste when he is unable to approach women for whatever reasons.

Unlike active cold approaching, passive cold approaching requires excellent sense of timing.

All five senses should be activated to enlarge the possibilities to meet women.

It is technical to the detail.

It’s tough initially.

In addition to that, guys who form part lower social hierarchy structure does not have the necessary means to be part of those environments where passive way of approaching works effectively.

The great part of passive way of approaching is that it is effective in generating net positive outcomes unlike active form of cold approaching.

Another plus point is that passive way of meeting women is that, it is in inconjuction with developing a person’s overall character as he is doing other life enhancing things along with it.

For example reading a book sitting while sitting in a cafe.

Or pursuing his hobby of dance while meeting girls.

The difficulty part of passive way of meeting women is that it requires a technical know how on how to go about it.

Unlike active cold approaching where you can just walk up to a girl, passive cold approaching requires sense of social movements.

There are long term positive multipliers effect of passive cold approaching such as a guy will spend his time productively that will add value, meet high quality people, enhance own social intelligence as it demands that and build meaningful connections with women.

Short term, I can’t much argue for positives of passive way of meeting women as initially for a newbie, logically it won’t add up.

And most importantly, women in India are more receptive to passive way of approaching.

I would encourage comments from my readers for any clarifications or whatever.

To end this long post I would tag an answer on quora itself that made a huge impact on me.

2 thoughts on “The better way to meet women in India: Active or Passive?”

  1. In passive cold approaching, getting a sense of timing/social environment does take some time. In these cases, does eye contact, smiling softly and other non verbal communication become an effective way to go about an approach? And how much non verbal communication is too much?

  2. Thanks Pratik for this endearing and informative post.

    Through this post I have been able to relate and resonate to a few principles of your teaching which is completely different from the traditional pick-up method followed.

    Also it certainly brought in me much more clarity on why lifestyle change holds an integral part in understanding the nuances of women, changing internally, and having a paradigm shift from result oriented mindset to process oriented mindset.


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