The core of most (over 90 percent) literature of coaching/learning to get good with women stems from this one particular question, “What women want?”.
And it seems a valid way to go about it. You understand what women want and then by whatever means and strategies if you fulfill that need/want, women will gravitate towards you.
I am not suggesting, this style doesn’t work or it’s a waste of time concept.
However, for this style, assuming you are proficient at it, needs a stimulated and fertile ground to get its ends meet.
Mystery method was predicated on this style of learning. Figure out what women want, go to the appropriate environment and play the game accordingly.
And for years, literally, even my mind was stuck on answering through various means, “What women want?” and then go about it.
To me there is a flaw and a negative catch to this style of learning.
Think about it. A man in his quest to get good with picking up girls/women, strives hard to get as much answers as he can on what women want, so that he can fulfill those needs and meet his end goal.
Along his journey he finds many answers on what women want.
Now upon encountering those answers, he imitate, adapt, forces himself to suit as a person that fits those answers.
And that’s where it becomes a self defeating exercise, and hence the flaw.
Let me give you an example.
Let’s say Pratik learns from some resource be it online or coaching, that women want funny guys, who has sense of humour and that can make them laugh.
So what Pratik does?
He sharpens his humour. Takes toastmaster classes, reads books on comedy, practices humour with his peers and so on and so forth.
Assuming he gets to a level, where he can make a woman laugh.
However, there is an underlying message he is sending while trying to make a woman laugh.
Which is, “I am trying to make you laugh so that you can find me attractive”.
And this metamessage Pratik is sending while making a woman laugh is what is exactly making him unattractive to women.
And women masters at reading metamessages.
This is the flaw and negative catch, I was referring earlier above.
The purpose itself is the enemy.
Carrying the above example of Pratik further, genuinely funny guys are funny with no underlying purpose. This is who they are.
Yes Pratik or any other person could learn to be genuinely funny, however the authenticity fades away when it is laden with hidden agenda.
That’s the key bit. Hidden Agenda.
Take another example.
Women want men who can take a lead. Factually that is correct, even in my view.
However it so happens, a guy who is unconvinced about himself, take this advise as a must thing to do and try to lead, not even considering how comfortable and apt the moment is to lead. Resulting into, women freaking out more.
The men who can lead women into adventures are those who have reflected on their way of life and have become convinced about themselves and their desires towards a particular woman.
The longing in me to send this message has been so strong, because for years, I was chasing the question, “what women want?”
So what’s the appropriate way to go about it?
That’s coming next.