Note: There is a podcast version attached at the bottom of the page. Do listen to that also.
I had a guy come to me seeking coaching. Before coming to me, he had already worked with one classical PUA coach.
I spent some time with him before officially signing him up for my coaching.
During that time, I realized that he had become a mechanical man around women. He had developed a certain mindset and blindly pursued it.
For instance, while we were walking in an open space surrounded by restaurants, I noticed two girls walking toward us from the opposite end. I asked the guy with me to look at them and tell me what the first few thoughts were that came to his mind—or if no thoughts came at all.
He glanced at them for maybe two or three seconds and said, “My mind is telling me to do something.” I asked what he meant by “something.”
He replied, “Go and talk to them.”
I asked, “But you only glanced at them. You don’t even know how you feel within yourself in their presence. They don’t know that you’re open to them or if they’ve had any impact on you. Why do you want to go and talk?”
He said, “This is the only thing I know. It’s imprinted in my mind that if I see a girl who is attractive, I must approach her.”
Naturally, he got this from YouTube videos and his previous coach.
I asked him, “When was the last time you felt excited to be around a woman or women?”
He said, “I only feel anxious and nervous, because the moment I see a girl, the voice in my mind tells me that I must approach her and get something out of it.” He added, “I’ve been told that if I do it enough times, this nervousness and anxiousness will go away.”
Well, I said to him, “Yes, your anxiousness and nervousness may come down after doing enough cold approaches, but you’ll turn into auto-pilot mode. Then, you’ll rarely be able to fine-tune yourself in different environments with different women.”
I further added, “You’ll become a Mechanical Man.”
He was on the verge of losing the power of being a potential free-spirited man around women. He hadn’t become free-spirited yet, but he had started the journey.
What does a free-spirited man look like in a space full of women?
A free-spirited man is first open within himself to give himself the opportunity to feel alive, excited, and enjoyable in the presence of women with certain aesthetics, energy, and presence—the kind of presence and aesthetics that can have an impact on him.
Because only if he is open within himself can he let a particular woman or women know how open he is to her/them.
What does it mean to be open within himself and let the other know that he is open to receiving her?
It starts with embracing the following worldview and communicating it:
“I’ll look at you unapologetically, fully immersed, scanning you with the default assumption that you have something in you that could make me feel alive, stir excitement, bring pleasantness, or make me pause mid-step.”
The matter of the fact is that women (not always though) can see through a man’s worldview in that moment.
This gives a woman the opportunity and space to let the man know if she is open to him (usually through her eyes, demeanor, or body language) in any capacity.
This way, a free-spirited man gets a chance to open up more—but now with her—by smiling at her, saying hi, talking to her, or inviting her.
You see, it’s a dance.
A free-spirited man has no imprints in his mind to fulfill. He is open and aware. Yes, he is also unapologetic, expressive, and sometimes persistent.
A free-spirited man does not leave the house thinking, “I have to approach three girls or get five numbers or smile at two girls.”
He leaves the house open within himself to give himself the opportunity to create possibilities in collaboration with women.
Yes, a man who wants to become free-spirited around women must be tactical, learn the skills to read women, communicate non-verbally, converse well, etc.
Let me extend this to being free-spirited with a woman you are already talking to. Maybe you met her on Instagram or at a badminton game. It doesn’t matter.
Again, he is unapologetically open within himself. He lets her know (with a little bit of tact) via text or in person that he is open to her.
For example, after some conversation, a simple line like: “I have a good feeling about you. I feel I would like spending time with you.”
Spending time—not just hanging out or chilling—is letting her know you are open to her.
Most men who enter the realm of “becoming better with women” because of PUA culture are turning into learning machine models.
Being a free-spirited man in general is also necessary to be a great boyfriend and husband.
This is what we do at Wayofmen—make men free-spirited with social tact.
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