How often have I heard, “What’s the point? This is not going to go anywhere,” or “She is not my type,” or “She has a boyfriend”?
This is in the context of flirting with a girl, trying to chat her up, or inviting her to join, etc.
Over the years of coaching, I have learned that men from Sri Lanka and India, or of Indian origin, tend to see things through a transactional lens when it comes to women.
Most of them cannot relate to the idea of flirting just for fun without expecting or aiming for something. At the same time, they cannot relate to inviting girls to dance or join them for a night out—even if the girls are married, attached, or unavailable—because no tangible outcome seems possible.
I have rarely come across even a few men who will flirt, give attention, or spend fun time with an unattractive woman just for the sake of it, without any aim.
It seems like a waste of time to them.
It’s as if their so-called “charm” has an on-off switch.
There is always this underlying question in their minds: “Where is this going?” or “Where will this lead?”
Unfortunately, they don’t realize that this core mindset creates a heavy energy around women, which directly affects their outcomes.
In addition to that, this mindset makes them less free-spirited around women, which hinders the development of their social and emotional skills.
They get ahead of the moment and the vibe because they cannot relax—this affects their presence of mind.
A transactional mindset is fine when there’s a clear setup, as we see in arranged marriages in India, or when a man and woman are transitioning into a formal or long-term relationship.
But in early stages, transactional core is a unwise way to be.
I know for a fact that there’s a strong transactional core among a large segment of Asian men—and I know how to identify it and fix it. But I do not know, Why?
Originally published: Way of Men – Subreddit