(The following piece has a video and text version).
Text Version:
There are four rare inner skills every man should focus on to elevate themselves in life and their relationships with women.
The following skills will also be needed in your journey to become good with women.
1. Developing awareness of the Map within
Each of us carries a map — a kind of inner user manual that we use to navigate different aspects of life. Some parts of this map have been formed consciously, while others have been shaped unconsciously through past experiences and conditioning.
When it comes to relating with women, every man uses a version of this internal map to navigate different stages of interaction and relationships.
The key, however, is to become aware of the map you’re using. Because quite often, the map you’re following might be flawed — causing you to keep running in circles and repeating the same patterns.
Once you’re able to put your map on paper, you can begin to examine it — to see how accurate it really is. You can then identify the gaps, make corrections, or even replace the map entirely if it no longer serves you.
Ideally, a coach helps you with this process. But even on your own, you can start by reflecting on your thought patterns, reactions, and actions around women to sketch out what your current map looks like.
Example
Let’s take a simple example.
Suppose you compliment a woman as a way to start a conversation.
Now pause and reflect on this action.
Ask yourself: “Why did I compliment her?”
The likely answer might be: to open an interaction.
That means, deep down, you believe that giving a compliment is your “pass” and “a smart tactic” to start talking to a woman.
This gives an insight into a part of the map you carry.
2. Recognizing the unfavorable voices within
Our voices have a huge impact on the quality of life we lead. Our voices determine our actions and responses. The voices usually create a brain fog, hampering our ability to be light-hearted and easygoing.
Voices are subconscious. Voices are different from self-talk. Self-talk is what we say to ourselves consciously, while voices come from within, driven by conditioning and past memory.
In the context of male-female dynamics, unfavorable voices are very common. The difficulty lies in catching them because, in real time, they are too fast.
A common example of the voice within is “Avoid being a creep.” Even without us knowing in real time, this particular voice tends to dominate many of our actions.
Another example of a voice is, “I do not belong in her world,” on seeing an attractive and visibly high-end woman.
The voices are so quick sometimes that it’s only later that we can put those voices into words.
The skill lies in recognizing these unfavorable voices because they can go undetected for years. As you become aware of the unfavorable voices, you come in control of the direction.
3. Managing difficult emotions
It doesn’t matter at what stage you are in your life with women — you will be tested time and time again.
Your emotional balance will be thrown off balance.
There will be frustration, irritation, anger, disappointment, fear, etc., along the way. As a human, it’s completely okay to feel self-defeating emotions, but how you manage them will be of great importance.
There will be times you will feel a knot in your stomach, your throat getting dry, and anxiety taking over you for whatever reason.
In those moments, the skill to manage those emotions and feelings will take you above mediocrity.
Managing emotions is a matter of discipline and being strict with yourself. When those unfavorable emotions and feelings take over you, the skill lies in seeing them in real time and using your mind to regulate the feelings.
Management of emotions does not necessarily mean erasing them in that moment; it rather means that you do not allow them to hijack the right actions.
4. Self-Talk
The most important skill lies in being your own coach because most of the time, it will be only you.
Self-talk is a conscious dialogue you have with yourself.
It is only through self-talk that you can manage your emotions, get through those nerve-wracking moments, instill discipline in yourself, and pass through the pain points.
The art and skill lie in finding what kind of self-talk will work for you, which you will figure out through trial and error.