As I have been travelling abroad to coach Indian men, my interest in this niche topic has piqued quite a bit.
(Indian men dating non-Indian women).
Indian men abroad, whether NRIs or tourists, are up against genetically advantaged men.
In addition to that, they have to deal with the perception game of being an Indian, which is certainly unfavorable.
I was reading a reddit post of a NRI based in Paris, France, chronicling his challenges with respect to dating women there. He mentioned how, at times women scoff/look down on him.
I am adding the link to the reddit piece here:
Then, there was another viral post by an Indian woman inviting other young Indian girls living abroad to study or work to date European Men for fun, and marry Indian men for stability.
Well, I must say that this gathered a lot of heat from all corners. I am adding an image for the post here (I have verified this).
Speaking from my personal experiences, as a coach and a traveller, I do think the default Indianised personality will fall short for most Indian men abroad.
Yes, ‘abroad’ is vast. Cultures, cities, and countries vary widely…I am quite aware of that.
Still, perception bias against Indians holds true in most parts of the world. And yes, European/Arabic men can be taller and better looking than an average Indian in abroad.
The good news is that as Indians you can still improve your odds with women in abroad, and get far ahead from where you are.
How?
Let’s start with some basics. Please do not scoff at these ideas, just because you never paid attention to it before or men from other nationalities do not have to work hard.
- Start focusing on skincare and a good hair regime. Indian men do not have great skin. Lets face it. A healthy looking skin has never been promoted among Indian men. Start with higher quality face wash, a good moisturiser, conditioner for hair, and a really good body wash. Try taking showers two times a day. If that’s too much, wash your face twice a day at least. I do all of it. Visit a dermat if you have to for better skin.
- Grooming essentials. Watch out for nose hair. Make sure the hair from your nose is not visible. Trim them every two days. Trim your hair from ears too. Beard is a personal choice. Nails are so important. Please make sure they are clean. This includes hands and toes. Pubic hair may not be visible to the world, but you can feel it. So keep them to minimum. You will feel better. Haircut is also an important facet that is overlooked by Indian men abroad. Spend more money on a nice haircut.
- Always smell fine. Just fine is enough. If you can smell great (does not mean strong), thats better. Pick high quality cologne. But not strong. My current go to cologne is Pink Champange by Mith. Wear fresh underwears everyday. Do not repeat your underwear if they are not washed from previous day. Same goes for clothes. Just make sure they do not smell bad. Same goes for your mouth. Using a tongue cleaner is a great tip to keep your tongue clean and not allow bad smell to find a home.
- Be decently dressed. While I am travelling abroad, I always find myself around men who dress sensibly. In fact, most men dress plain with no flashiness. Massimo Dutti is a great brand for fast fashion. It’s available in most parts of the world. Indians do not dress appropriately. Let me give you one suggestion that will instantly change for better how you look through your clothes; Avoid Jeans. Wear Pants. Shoes are the kingmaker. Do not wear dirty shoes. Wear loafers and dress shoes too, not only sneakers. Layering clothes makes a big difference to how your attire looks. A jacket or a scarf or an overshirt can make a big difference. As far as colours go; beige, navy blue, and white are safe bets. Black is boring but safe bet. One more tip, wear fun and vibrant socks.
- Look fit. Being overweight may not kill you, but it does kill your ability to pull off good clothes. I am not even suggesting to get muscles on board. Just do not look sloppy with your stomach hanging on you. In my travels, I have seen much more fitter looking men than an average Indians.
Now let’s turn to more important aspect of improving odds as an Indian with women in abroad.
Indian Men do not speak the language of polarity, especially those in tech world. And that’s where they can really improve their game and increase their odds.
Some of the issues that drag down Indian men are are as follows:
- Indian men always seem burden with life. They carry a heavy energy. Being lighthearted does not come to them naturally. This really affects their interaction with girls. An important aspect of being charming is to be lighthearted. There are no easy solutions to this. But being aware of this heavy energy, and adopting a more easygoing worldview will certainly help.
- A transactional mindset around women. Another common pattern I have seen among Indians/NRIs is their lack of ease and delight in their interactions with girls. This stems from having the mindset of “where is this going?” If you are one of them, please obliterate this mindset while you are in the social company of women.
- The traditional ways to meet women may not work, especially when the perception game is not in your favour. I am going to say something you may have not heard before. When it comes to meeting women in offline set-ups, you will be better off if you develop some primal game. This means going ahead of social skills. As an Indian you need to learn the art of “seducing” women. Just being there with all the grooming, personal hygiene, and social skills may not be enough. I am sorry to say, but you may need to learn to charm, flirt, and speak with your eyes also. It’s a layer ahead than what you are being told.
- What Indian men need is thick skin. Even though the challenges are high, running through them is the only way forward. In those moments, when they are looked down upon or scoffed at, Indian men will have to learn to not allow themselves feel dejected. There are times in life, where thick skin works better than prayers.
What are some of the other factors that can improve the odds of Indian/NRI males in dating women abroad?
The one mistake Indians make while living abroad is hanging out only with Indians. No, do not make that mistake. Hangout and become friends with boys and girls from other nationalities. It makes a lot of difference. The probablity of women connecting goes high, when you are in the social circle of different nationalities.
Avoid being judgemental about other cultures and their ways of living. Accept and embrace, how others look at the world in terms of food, dating, marriage, relationships, celebration, work, etc.
What about accent?
Smoothen your accent to local dialect a bit. It will pay off for better. You do not need to imitate, but being able to match the underlying accent can make you more relatable to women there.
Be smart about the channels you are using to meet women. Understand your weaknesses, and avoid social channels that may cut your chances with women.
If you are short in height (relatively), or not super good looking, then a loud, dark bars/club are not the way forward. Even on dating apps the probability goes down if you are not genetically gifted in terms of height and good features.
So become part of some activity group that allows to show your personality, interact with women, and get to know them.
Try parks. Unlike India, parks abroad can be a great place to meet women.
Try different kinds of workout sessions. Do not stick to weight training gyms. For instance, rock climbing is a good option, because the way people are arranged on the floor, may give you the scope to mingle with people.
Invite people over – A great way to bond with people.
Having said that, you can not escape the ‘Charm’ part of the whole equation.