This post is for the segment of audience who are at a stage/phase of the life of meeting new women to mingle, date, etc..
In my experiences as a coach, I have observed that men have a very limited understanding of how the nature of social mediums plays a significant role in determining the fate of Men’s dating, mating, relationships, friendships life.
Yes! They know they want to meet new women, they know that they need to have reasonable communication skills, and maybe they are aware that they need to develop some social skills, including having social maturity.
But most don’t know that to meet new women and people for that matter, 60 percent of the game begins with understanding the nature of social mediums they are putting themselves in to meet new women (By the way, this applies to women, too).
This lack of knowledge is because men discount the importance of conditioning, culture, psychology of women, social hierarchies, and importance of context in women’s world.
Social Mediums in simple words mean the channel or the environments, men/women put themselves in to possibly meet and mingle with a potential mate. For instance, dating apps are online channels, and bars/clubs – cafes – community- house parties – social events – workshops – college – workplace, etc. are offline environments.
Let me go straight to the nature of social mediums.
In theory, I divide social mediums into three main categories:
1. Organic environments
2. Proactive environments
3. Combination of Organic and Proactive environments
Organic Environments
Organic environments, in my definition, are those environments/venues where women are Not consciously and knowingly coming with an idea and understanding within themselves to meet and mingle with a new man. Sometimes, women may even have in the back of their mind or deep within their heart to meet someone, but in a certain particular environment, they may discount that thought because in their reality, the possibility to meet a man there does not exist or its not their prefer way. For example, while walking on the street to go to their destination, even those women who have a subconscious desire/wish to come across their type of man, will not be thinking or considering to encounter someone there, simply because it’s a street.
Why, you may ask? Well, in their experiences, it never happened, or they never heard or seen two people becoming a couple at a particular environment, or it doesn’t fit the context they are comfortable with.
Whatever may be the reasons for women opting for a certain way of thinking; in a nutshell, organic environments are those environments where women are Not proactively scanning and seeking to meet someone, but something may happen as a matter of chance and circumstances.
However, men, unlike women, are open to being proactive in any environment. And because men carry this mindset, they tend to project the “open to meeting anywhere” mindset on to women. This leads to men being proactive in the most incompatible environment and eventually leading to unexplainable disappointments.
Having said this, things do play out in the most unexpected ways in the most unlikely environments. So yes, many times, a man and woman may end up in a conversation at the gate before boarding the flight, leading to a new couple in town or simply while waiting for the car at the valet, something may strike between two opposite sex or while having a cup of coffee in a cafe, one may end up next to someone, and somehow a conversation ensued leading to dating and what not (I’ll come to that later).
But my point is, in organic environments, things start as a matter of chance, and hence, having a mindset of a proactive approach is unwise. Just to clarify, a proactive approach means to consciously put oneself in an environment to attempt to mingle with a new woman in the hope of dating, mating, etc..
No, I am not suggesting a man can not find his future girlfriend or wife in organic environments. In fact, with certain men, it happens with more frequency than you may know. However, the philosophy of these men is to be open and relaxed but not open and aggressive.
Almost all of our day to day environments can be categorized as Organic environments.
Things will be clearer as you keep reading further.
Proactive Environments
To put it simply, proactive environments are those environments where both men and women are coming together to pursue each other (Explicit or Implicit).
Datings Apps, Singles event, Speed Dating, Matrimonial site, and matchmakers platform are the purest form of proactive environments.
The degree of explicit-ness in the above environments /platforms is 100 percent.
As we go lower on degree count, the scope of proactive environments widen to certain types of nightclubs/bars where there is an unspoken and implicit narrative of men and women coming to meet each other.
There are so many events/parties /festivals that happen around the world that fit in the same proactive environments categories; spring break in Mexico, intercollegiate festivals, ballroom parties, and weekend events and workshops.
The underlying mindset of women (some to most) in the above-mentioned proactive environments is looking around, inviting attention, open to interaction, accepting of safe and non-invasive approaches, etc. But more on the implicit side.
Yes, there is an element of subjective-ness in defining and understanding the proactive nature of environments once the implicit-ness sets in.
Some countries like Brazil, Argentina, Cuba, Mexico, and Colombia because of the cultural elements can be categorized as proactive environments. Of course, I am talking about parts of it.
Yes, there is a level of Social Intelligence required to understand the proactive air of the environment.
A social bar, house parties, festivals, and social events/ workshops are usually leaning towards proactive environments. The degree of implict and explicit nature will vary from one environment to another. Sometimes, time of the day, have an effect on the environment, changing the degree of proactive-ness.
Another great way to meet women is through other people, especially other women. It’s as proactive as it can be. Instagram is also great for a few men. I would put Instagram within the bracket of a proactive platform.
I recommend men to be smart first, then skillful if they want to include women in their life by designing their lifestyle in such a way that they put themselves in proactive environments more, create social circle and be part of social groups.
The genesis of this lies in female psychology. Women have a contextual relationship with different aspects of life. For them, it really matters how a certain action and behavior will be perceived by other people (especially her friends and social acquaintances). There was a time I remembered when girls were shy to be on dating apps because they were not sure how others would perceive it. But when dating apps were normalized, the context changed, and girls were very comfortable to announce their arrival on dating apps. Beyond that, there is an element of security when they meet a man through someone they know (especially women). Sometimes, their own conditioning and what’s normal to them sets the tone.
To end this part, I would strongly advise men who are looking to meet new women must design their life in such a way that they are more in proactive environments and vibe.
Combination of Proactive and Organic environments
So, we have understood the outline and nuances of organic and proactive environments.
Well, for most of us, the majority of the time, we spend our day to day lives in environments that have a combination of organic and proactive flavor, leaning more towards the organic side.
That includes our usual coffeshops, departmental stores, workplaces, usual hang out places, bars, travels, restaurants, workout places, friends gathering, sometimes weddings, parties, etc.
If you remember earlier in this post, I was alluding to a point about how a man and woman may end up meeting and then seeing each other/hooking up in the most unlikely places. Usually, those places are a combination of organic and proactive environments.
Yes, the description of this combination is quite subjective and has more than 50 shades of grey.
Think about it, how complex it can be to decipher the temperament of a particular environment where maybe a woman in her subconscious is looking for a random spark or she is consciously seeking someone in other places but the residue of that seeking energy is still with her wherever she goes.
Men, by and large, are willing to be proactive in any environment. They don’t cut out women just because they are sitting in a doctor’s clinic. You know what I mean, right?
However, for women, it’s quite complicated unless the man is extremely good-looking, and then also, very few are proactive.
Even a doctors clinic can become a nest for breeding lovers. But it just happens, and at the same time, in a way, it’s made to happen. That’s the irony of organic plus proactive environments.
Almost every environment that was deemed to be organic when a man steps in can be make it to be seen as a proactive place to meet a new girl.
How so?
By being open but not too proactive.
This is a tough one to explain in words.
This an education for men here on having a certain “Being”.
Being open here means to carry in one’s BEING (not in his head) an intangible social-sexual energy to invite a woman (of one’s liking), while not too proactive means not psychologically driven to meet a new woman and make something happen. It’s like when you desire but not in a hurry.
To simplify the above para, take an example of a man having a social intelligence, interested in women, knows his type, mindful of other’s situation, temperament, interest, certainly not in urgency and hurry, willing to let go and yet at the same time has enough presence of mind about the dynamics of the room, expressing himself non-verbally and verbally and prepare to take leap of action when the time comes.
Only men with these traits can have their way in most unlikely environments with reasonable frequency.
Otherwise, my suggestion to guys who are reading this is to be part of environments that are leaning more on proactive side than organic. It will take fewer skills, some social maturity, and a little understanding of female nature to include women in your life.