It was past midnight, two men sharing stories of their life over a sparkling white wine.
Siddhartha and Krishna were two colleagues turned into great friends. Both into their early 30’s.
At one point, Krishna asked Siddhartha, “How did you evolved into this force, that girls are drawn to? Tell me, why it feels you are more alive than others in company of women”.
Siddhartha looked out of the window for a while, took a deep breath and said, “Well, Well, well…
If you look at my school complaint book, most of the remarks from my teachers are, that I always looked out of the window and hardly pay any attention to what is happening in the class. And this was the same story in my early college years. I was always quiet, didn’t *speak out* in the class.
I remember in my college, I attended few lectures and headed back home. Avoiding new interactions, hardly made new friends. My New Years were always spent home, not out of choice.
Leave alone having wide social circle, I didn’t have any female friends.
I knew, I had awareness that this has to change, but I was devoid of passion to take a step forward towards transforming myself.
However, being a thin guy, to the point, where I was always made to sit on a lap, as a guy in the event of no space in the car, really bothered me.
So I joined gym to put on weight.
Even though the purpose of joining gym was purely to put some mass in me, but the much needed *trigger* to evolve myself into an excellent social version was born there. To be specific, I was infused with passion to become smooth with ladies.
The constant flow of girls, in my gym, plus being in an environment like gym where maybe testosterone is amplified, strongly motivated me to embark on this ongoing journey.
I still feel, a trigger is a must, even though we may have an awareness. A trigger is like a calling that speaks directly to a man’s heart. And that trigger may be a girl rejection, moving into a new city, that is more vibrant, or in my case rush of testosterone (maybe) with women around me.”
At this point Krishna interuppted, ” What can a guy do to be triggered or infused himself with passion to embark on this journey?”
“I am not sure, but it feels to me, that carrying a constant desire to evolve plus meeting with bit of good luck, helps.
And once I decided to have an impact on women as a man, I wore horse blinkers and moved forward.
I made myself aware, that there will be price to pay, investments to be made all along the journey. But I gave a word to myself that I will stay course, no matter what.
And a man word, is his honour.
I must tell you that for me, it was not really about picking up girls, day in and day out. It was more about having an effect on women with my presence and energy I carry.
So coming to specifics of my journey; I started reading books, watched videos, and most importantly I made sure I spend some time everyday in land of women.
I once read in David Deida book, way of a superior man, a man must remove some time everyday to do what he has committed to himself. He must not wait for a *proper time*, because that never comes. So inspite of all unsettling things in life, a man must do what he needs to do parallely.
Before catching my train to work, I used to come half an hour earlier at train station and attempt to speak to random girls. And same after work. Yes, I was anxious, nervous and feared, but I did what I had to.
In fact, I didn’t limit myself to any particular place. Gym, cafes, bars, I attempted everywhere to speak to girls.
There were certainly moments of embarrassments.
For instance, there was this one girl, who upon sensing that I was walking upto her, herself started walking towards me and said, “I know what you are going to say to me, because you have done that before”. I just freezed.
And there is this another time, I read something about eye contact, and decided to try it out. So I was in some cafe and started to stare at three girls sitting opposite me. Few seconds later, one of the girls said out loud, “who is this creepy guy looking at us like that?” I got back to my laptop instantly. However I went back to the same place again.
In fact, even today there are maybe 2 or 3 girls who will take a U turn on seeing me.
However, I never went overboard in my attempts, in the sense, I was never thrown out from a place or beaten up. This was maybe I didn’t carry the intense energy to pick up a girl.
But, my maximum evolution happened in my contemplation in solitude. I reflected/contemplated everyday. I went for long walks just to reflect on how I was showing up in land of women and how they received my energy.
Till to this day, I contemplate. That little boy who always looked out of the window in school, is still there in me.
With time, something shifted in me; I started approaching less, and paying attention more to anything that involved women. I used to overhear two women conversing, observed their behaviour if they were in a date with a guy, the way they check out guys or didn’t, etc.
This is where my social intelligence and awareness of women’s world was born and developed.
I went further, I used to get into conversations with girls, sitting in a cafe, curiously asking about why they dated some guys over others. You know, just to get into their world.
For instance there was this lovely girl, told me that she matched with few guys on tinder, but this one guy who she matched and dating at the time, was different over others; he was not unnecessarily in awe like other guys, when she used to mention what she did for work (helping children in villages).
I learnt a valuable lesson then; which is to avoid unnecessary-ness in your ways. Compliments is one such thing.
This way, I grew in my ways with women. And as I grew, I looked less outside for any answers and more within me.
You know I looked at girls intensely, if and when I am drawn to them. This is not some technique or method that I practiced upon. It was in quest to know about why my head kept turning towards certain women, I realised an important truth; that women are designed by nature to captivate men and hence if I am captivated by a woman, I must not hesitate to let her know that, by the way I look at her.
Krishna, confidence comes from realizing the truth. And that happens only if a man turn inwards for answers. Outside sources are good to a certain point only.
Most men don’t appreciate that women can sense a man’s vibrations. And they are drawn naturally to peculiar kind. Instead most men try to psychologically attract girls, rather they should focus on developing a certain presence that appears attractive.”
Krishna, “Interesting man. This sounds more like a spiritual journey, rather than journey to get laid”.
Siddhartha replied, “Oh sure it is and is still ongoing”..