Why are you still a Virgin?

Not too long ago, I received a call from a man who is in his mid-30’s. He was explaining his situation pertaining to his non existent dating life. Then at one point he said, “I want to tell you something”. I replied approvingly “Yeah”. He replied hesitantly, “I am a Virgin” and kept quiet for next few seconds, until I nudge him “I am listening”.

As a Dating coach it’s not uncommon for me to get calls of similar nature. Fortunately lot of men confide in me regarding their intimate or wishful intimate life (largely because of the professional tag I carry).

Being a Virgin man in 21st century, puts a heavy weight on the shoulders. In the minds of these men, its embarrassing position to be in. After certain age, its suffocating to walk with a Virgin tag (even if the tag is visible only to oneself).

Which begets the question, that in modern generation why men still remain virgin well into their 20’s and even 30’s?

1. The ratio of men and women in some parts of the country still remains abysmal to begin with. This unfavourable ratio of lot more men vis a vis women worsens in engineering universities which leads to further deterioration of their possibilities to get intimate with opposite sex. This in particular is basic problem of demand and supply.

2. Unfavourable ratio (lot more men than women) develops another issue of underdeveloped or misguided social skills, especially around women. Lack of understanding of how another gender communicates, in matters of sexual equations, doesn’t help these men further down the road.

3. Luck also plays a factor in why some men at an early age manage to have a sexual intercourse with a woman. Some men especially in un-level playing field, simply get lucky. No wonder, even today irrespective of social hierarchy, getting laid with a woman (other than girlfriend) is still termed as *Getting lucky*. To answer the question, you didn’t get lucky as yet.

4. Intimidated to express his sexual nature. This is in particular is a common barrier among men across India. Lot of boys/men are simply conditioned to be ashamed of displaying their nature as a sexual being. This leads to most men holding themselves back in general around girls, in their sexual expression. Even as innocuous as making sexual jokes or innuendo with double meaning is done only in the comfort of known people (other men). It’s not uncommon for guys to slow down or take measure approach or keep mum around girls, when it comes to make sexual jokes. This asexual (at least in spirit) approach of men in day to day social situations makes them least likely candidate for women to explore their sexuality. To most, it will surprise them that guys who get chance to experience women intimately (physically) on a consistent basis are little raunchy, while virgins of the world (generalizing) tend to be unnecessarily agreeable.

5. Social Ecosystem matters to women to the point that it influences their sexual decisions. By Social Ecosystem I mean the social channel they are using to meet men. As long as the particular social channel is accepted convention, they will take a step forward with least resistance. For instance spring break that usually takes place in mardi grass or Cancun (mexico) is an accepted social channel for women to Fuck around with random guys. Hence a guy will more likely to get laid being there then being in a nightclub of any metropolitan city. Another example is online dating apps. Indian girls now, are lot more comfortable hooking up with a guy she met online compare to the guy she met through her common friends. Social Ecosystem. Which brings to my assessment that guys who still haven’t got intimate with women, certainly needs to be more smart.

6. Rare but true. Some guys have a bad energy that repulse most of the women that they encounter. Bad energy, I mean too heavy and overwhelming, distasteful attitude towards life, and a strong scarcity mindset.

7. No guy wants to remain Virgin, but some guys don’t mind being one as they have other priorities. For instance, I know a guy who plays video games all the fucking time. Girls don’t really interest him to the point, where he would not make any proactive effort to meet and mate with a girl. It’s too much work for him and hence he prefers to be on sidelines, until it comes along the way.

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