I am not revealing a secret by telling you that one of most common questions I am asked as a Dating Coach is “How to strike a conversation with a new girl?” or something along that lines.
The underpinning assumption among most men is that, the conversation is the most powerful tool to attract a woman.
I am convinced that the idea and concept of conversations in the realms of courting is over-rated and given undue importance.
Simply because in the game of courting, the major determinants are vibe, chemistry, context, etc; while men believe bonding happens primarily with words. There is a saying, Man word is his bond.
Conversation as men look at it, is simply an exchange of words. While for women, words are an important facilitator to get a sense of the larger picture.
Coming to the commonly asked question: How to strike a conversation with a stranger girl?
Who knows the right answer. I mean each situation and moment carry its own context. And hence each situation demands a renewed approach to strike a conversation. Some say a simple Hi is the best way to strike a conversation, while others may argue the superiority of introducing oneself.
Well, to me communication is superior than a conversation. Hence the valid question would be, How to engage and invite a communication with a stranger girl?
Just to clarify, conversation pertains to purely words exchanged; while communication also includes non-verbal exchange, energy, vibrations and the tone that individuals bring along. Conversation is a small subset of communication.
For example, a guy and girl are on a first date in the park. As they are walking and talking, the guy is focused on what he is saying and her verbal responses; because to him that’s the meat of the matter. In essence he is tuned into the conversation. While the girl is not just talking with her words, she is communicating with a light slap on the shoulders of the guy (if she is interested), closing in or out into his space, looking deep into his eye momentarily or not, and maybe biting her lower lip (my personal favorite).
Yes, I haven’t answered the question yet.
To put it briefly, considering the limited scope of this blog; one has to first develop the art of communicating with eyes, there is no escape around this. I train guys on this specific art, but one can certainly develop on its own too.
Second is becoming great at giving out bodily cues and receiving the same from the girl.
Third is mastering the tonality of your voice. Instead of exercising on your vocal chords, I suggest the method of being conscious. In this method, one has to consciously focus their energies on the throat while speaking. This will bring a natural depth to a man’s voice.
And fourth of-course, is learning to say things in context of the moment.
I assure you, when all four will be a part of your repertoire, you will able to communicate with most women in same frequency as theirs.
Having said that, being a great conversationalist is not a handicap in the land of women unless he is using his conversational skills to push his agenda. It is indisputable that in other aspects of social life, a good conversationalist have the larger share of the pie. A good conversationalist is observant, understands timing, can multi task, is a smart listener and has curiosity about other peoples world.
I would like to end this by re-affirming that don’t bogged yourself down by just focusing on mastering mere words.