A simple dictionary meaning of the word Consent means someone allowing other to do something or mutually agree to do something.
The recent metoo movement, emphasized the need for consent more than ever before. This movement also started the conversation regarding the Grey area that exists in the application of consent.
I am not sure how this conversation ended, if it has.
Consent in objective world of law, etc can be clearly defined with words. But in “courting and mating” dynamics, consent is more Grey than Black and White. Some may argue with me the simplicity of consent and dismiss the merits of Grey-ness.
Well, to me they clearly have a narrow vision of consent in courting and mating dynamics.
Consent is good and necessary, off-course.
However, consent is super complex in real time, considering the complexity of human nature.
In real time, communication of consent is usually not as clear as the champions of consent proposed to be. And this obvious lack of clarity is what makes the courting and mating dance beautiful.
In social commentary, consent is not in force until it is verbally made clear. However, in real time courtship, consent is usually communicated non-verbally more than verbally.
To take this further, it’s not uncommon for a woman to verbally refuse to partake in courtship process while at the same time, non-verbally communicate her inclination to be an active participant in the same courtship process. In essence, she is not consenting verbally but consenting non-verbally.
Most women will not publicly admit this, while some will scoff at the ambiguity that involves in Body Language. Well, I usually give a following example to women to bring to the light the merit of my thesis:
A man invites a woman to partake in certain act of courtship process (it can be a verbal flirtatious banter), she responds by “I Don’t like this” but at the same she physically moves closer to the man.
The above is a classic example of refusing verbally, but consenting non verbally. And this is not an exception but a rule.
There can be many permutations and combinations of this complexity in consent conversations.
I fail to understand why we (not me) do not appreciate the extreme conditioning of human mind that plays a major role in our day to day communications. And for women this social conditioning is usually misaligned with her core feminine nature, resulting into conflicting consent communication.
I won’t deny the necessity of acquiring art in reading body language, neither I am dismissing the possible ambiguity in non-verbal consent. But it is the nature of things.
I Strongly believe that demanding from women to clearly (verbally) communicate everything in courtship and mating process, is akin to robbing them to be a woman.
And at the same time, I believe asking men to fully take into account the verbal consent in courtship and mating process, is robbing them of their edge.
Consent in Courting and Mating dynamics has its own tune and we should let it be that way. Rather than changing the fabric of consent, we should educate and train men in Arts of courtship and allow women to flow as a woman.
3 thoughts on “Consent: My Views”
Helle Pratik, Recently I found your Blog and read all the articles in one go. I have read all the books of Daryush Valizadeh (Rooshv). Now I am planning to buy your newsletter, though you rarely talk about the numbers and notch counts as I was fairly successful in dating but unsuccessful in getting numbers. As a reader, my suggestion is to talk about the characteristics of Indian women and how US or west-based dating or pickup advice can be applied in the Indian context. As we have huge population (of young women) in Cities like Delhi(my city) and Banglore is that an advantage or disadvantage as Roosh says.
I am not sure of “west based” dating advice, and neither I want to have that conversation. My suggestion is to focus on some absolute truths of male-female dynamics and be mindful of particular culture of any country.. I don’t see how a huge population of women can be a disadvantage to a dating scene.