Audio Version below:
At the outset, I’d like to acknowledge that the title of this piece is inspired by Dr. Marc Brackett’s book, Permission to Feel.
Women may immediately grasp what I’m getting at here, while men might find it a bit abstract at first. That said, this is written primarily for myself as a man and for my male readers.
Much of what I’m sharing here is based on personal experience — not something I’ve learned from books, courses, or videos.
As basic and obvious as it may sound, we have the capacity to feel deeply about a person. A person’s presence impacts us because of how we feel around them — sometimes through their voice, their demeanor, their gaze, or simply their presence.
We can feel something in the first few seconds of seeing a woman. We feel it when we continue looking at her, when we’re talking to her, when she’s talking to us, when she looks at us, when she’s near us, and when there’s physical contact. Her presence alone can spark a wealth of emotions.
And yet, many men abandon this innate faculty because we’ve been conditioned to approach relationships analytically — focusing on what can be dissected, measured, and categorized. We often forget that in the realm of romance, feeling and intuition play a vital role.
Interestingly, some of the most successful stock traders attribute their success to a developed “feel” — an intuitive sense honed over time. This same capacity for intuition exists in relationships as well.
Sometimes, we feel an immediate reaction within the first moments of encountering someone. Think of the movies Titanic or The Godfather — in both, there’s a powerful pause when the male lead first sees a woman who captivates him. That pause is an involuntary response — the body’s way of signaling an intense feeling. In real life, recognizing when someone has that kind of impact on us is invaluable.
I’ve heard stories of men who, despite never having approached a woman before, were compelled to start a conversation with someone who left an undeniable impression. More often than not, these spontaneous connections lead to meaningful relationships.
This kind of impact goes beyond physical attraction or preconceived psychological preferences. It’s not the same as being drawn to someone because they fit a “type” we’ve already idealized. It’s not like being attracted to someone because they’re famous or because they align with a specific cultural narrative. Those are psychological influences — but the impact I’m referring to transcends that, touching something deeper and more instinctive.
Why does this matter?
Because learning to recognize these feelings can guide our actions in life-altering ways.
Women often have a more developed sense of this intuition. They can walk into a room and immediately sense which man sparks something in them — not because of his looks, but because of his presence. This ability to feel extends beyond first impressions — it continues in conversation, through shared glances, and in moments of connection.
Unfortunately, many men are disconnected from this aspect of themselves. We often struggle to identify, label, and express the feelings that arise when we encounter someone who impacts us deeply. Too often, our perception remains limited to physical attraction alone.
But we all leave an impression on others — sometimes mild, sometimes intense. The feelings can be pleasant, mischievous, purely physical, or a combination of these. And understanding the impact someone has on us — and why — can transform the way we connect with others.
Why should men develop this ability?
First and foremost, because it helps us go beyond surface-level attraction. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating physical beauty, but when that becomes the sole basis of interest, it puts us in a weak position.
When we cultivate our ability to feel — to sense the unique impact a woman has on us — we become more grounded and intentional. This instinct can help us decide who we want to approach, engage with, and pursue. And it leads to deeper, more authentic connections.
Connection and chemistry often arise from symmetry — when one person’s genuine response sparks a similar reaction in the other. Imagine seeing someone’s face light up when they see you — that joy is contagious. In relationships, this kind of emotional resonance creates powerful bonds.
Yet many men miss out on this because we’re too caught up in appearance or distracted by our own self-doubt. We second-guess our impulses and downplay the importance of emotional impact.
So how can men develop this ability?
It takes time and practice in the right social environments. But the first step is awareness — acknowledging that this capacity exists and taking a leap of faith in exploring it.
Start by asking yourself, “How do I feel?” when you’re around someone — whether you’re seeing them, speaking with them, or simply sharing space. Notice the different feelings that arise and, if possible, try to label them. For example: “When I saw her, I paused — that’s the impact she had on me.”
Over time, you’ll start to refine this sense — and with it, your ability to connect deeply and authentically.
This is just the beginning of a much larger journey. But the more you practice tuning in to your feelings, the more you’ll discover the richness and depth they can bring to your relationships.