I had clients expressing their deep concerns regarding their short height, physical disability, or some physical flaw which cannot be altered favorably.
There is a always a sense of limitation in the back of their mind because of their physical impairment or short height. And this limitation holds them back to express themselves confidently around women.
They seek my counsel on how to handle this situation.
And they know I can handle this topic maturely, because I too have a physical flaw that becomes obvious when I speak. I was born with a cleft palate. After undergoing three surgery in first ten years of my life, my cleft palate (an opening on roof of the mouth) was closed.
But my speech remained impaired. Yes, my speech is not as clear as of a normal person. Over the years it has gradually improved, but even today my voice is heavy and some parts of my speech are unclear.
Coming to handling and responding part: Once a girl told me straight up, “You know what, I don’t like your voice “. My instinct reaction was to tell her to fuck off. But I didn’t say anything.
So, after reaching home, feeling not so good about her remark, I asked myself “How Should I respond to something like this, Next time?”
Many creative ideas came up. The most commonly was to figure out a creative response line to it. But my inner voice told me to look deeper into this topic.
And as I sat down, I asked myself “Do I like my voice?”
I recorded my voice and heard it. The answer was obvious No. I didn’t like my own voice.
Then another question popped up, “Then how can I get pissed on another person if they feel the same as I do about my own voice?”
The answer was clear, I CAN’T. So in a matter of few seconds, my anger waned and I developed an empathy for her.
But my mind was determined to go deep into this. So another question popped up, “What now?”
Well, speaking for myself I had made peace with my speech and voice issues and accepted it the way it is. Because I have to live with myself.
But I don’t dislike myself for that one unfortunate birth flaw.
Then why can’t I demand the same from other person who don’t like my voice?
This change of narrative gave me an answer to how should I respond to a remark regarding my speech..
And that time came, a year later when another girl who I met in house party just like 15 minutes earlier told me “Your voice is so…I don’t like it”.
I was well prepared this time and so keeping my head in place, in a flat tone I told her;
“I understand, because when I listen to the recording of my voice even I don’t like it. But I have made peace with it, because I really like myself.”
Well, she got the message. And she carried on the conversation like nothing happened. In essence she made peace with it, because at the moment a part of her has already liked me. And after this, she really liked me.
Well it may happen at some point in future that a lady may not peace with my voice like I have and that’s OK. I won’t include in my life in any shape and form.
The minimum requirement for any individual to be included into my life is to make peace with my speech and voice, not necessarily like it.
So, I guide my clients the same way I did for myself.
For instance if you are short in height by Indian Standards, you have no choice but to make peace with it and accept it. You don’t have to dislike You for a part of you that cannot be altered.
So if you come across a girl, who says “You are too short for me” or “I don’t date short men”.
Please respond to her, “Unfortunately as much as I wish to change that, I can’t. So clearly the window has closed between us.”
And walk away.. Please walk away.