Imagine this Scene: You are in a club by the bar counter with a friend of yours. Three girls are standing next to you. You comment to your friend, “Hey let’s talk to these girls”. Your friend nods and you turn around say something. And girls response mildly. Maybe you all continue talking or not.
Imagine another Scene: You are in a Brunch gathering of a friend. There are lots of women, few familiar but mostly unfamiliar. So you decide to get acquainted with few of the unfamiliar women, especially a particular woman. Maybe you ask a common friend to introduce you or you do it by yourself. And somehow you end up chatting with the particular woman.
Dating Coach India.
In most likelihood you have been part of either of the scenes at some point in your life. I have been too.
More often than not, when we as men decide to chat with some girl(s) it’s because we want to chat up. But it’s hardly the case that we have a worded clarity on Why we want to chat up. The pre-chat energy is spend on How to go about it, rather than Why.
It may seem obvious to readers about “Why”. However I have realised that most guys don’t know the actual Why. They are unmapped with no road to follow.
I am of the opinion that a clear Why is must beforehand.
For example, you just want to socialize with girls in the bar with some flirtatious exchanges, or you may want to kill some time while you are sitting in the cafe waiting for a friend, or you may want to create bubble of energy in your space by involving some girls at the brunch scene, or you may want to have a One Night Stand, or you are curious about the particular girl who captivated your Complete attention.
Well, for most guys (almost all) the attitude is ‘let’s chat and see where it goes’. No No, that’s not the conscious way to go about it. Don’t take your time, attention and energy for granted.
The clarity of Why provides a Map and gives you a route to follow. In addition to that, your tone, vibe, demeanor automatically aligns in such a way that when you say something it feels congruent to you and the moment.
Taking one of the examples from above, you decide to chat up with a woman next to you in a cafe because you want to kill some time until your friend arrives or while you are waiting at the airport to board; you now have a map and route to follow which can be used to start a conversation. A simple statement of “Hey I have some time to kill, would you care to join me and talk” would suffice.
All that pressure of How to start a conversation withle away by itself. Not only that, the follow up conversation will flow by itself.
Or take another example of wanting to have One Night; as you are clear of what you want out of the bar, you will look for a woman who are giving tell-tale signs to be lead into an one night adventure, rather than wasting your time hitting on unavailable women and in the process bothering them. (It’s a different topic regarding the skills set needed to spot and lead the woman).
As a coach, I feel men are putting lots of unnecessary attention on figuring out “How”. Yes the framing of sentences matter, the timing also counts and the requisite social intelligence also is needed to lead.
However the clarity of Why supercedes the knowing of How.
