Why current generation lacks Social-Courting-Dating skills.

Let’s go back to older days, maybe half a century back. What were the avenues for a man and woman to meet, mingle and get together?

In western world, some would say churches, weddings, ball room parties, neighborhood bar, community, common friends, offices, colleges and universities. In eastern world it would be roughly the same in the sense of real world environments. The only thing would change is the fabric of the real world environments.

In essence, there were no social boundaries to meet someone new. Yes, there were limitations of geography as world was not connected as it is now. However these limitations were physical in nature not mental boundaries.

Fast forward today, geographies have opened up like never before, the new additions of avenues to meet a new person for mating are increasing every year, yet the mental boundaries to mingle with a new guy/girl are increasing.

You may wonder, what mental-social boundaries I am referring to..

For example a woman seated in a cafe will be comfortable swiping left/right on a Dating App while not even considering getting to know a guy seated next to her in the same cafe and that’s the mental boundary of a kind; or a pair of women enjoying a meal in a fine restaurant complaining about a bad experience she had with a guy she met online/ through a common friend and how she is really looking to meet a great man, while being completely oblivious to possibilities in the same restaurant, reflecting on her mental boundary.

These mental boundaries are result of these new technological avenues like dating apps, Instagram, etc. Now because there is a formal and obvious channel out there to meet a new person, most of the other un-obvious and informal channels are regarded as inappropriate.

I won’t deny the boon technology has brought about in world of mating, dating and relationships, but it has come at a price far heavier than people realized.

The biggest price is the lack of social skills and intelligence in the form of reading and giving social cues to opposite sex. The anxiety to approach someone new and being lost at what to say is at all time high. Both men and women don’t know how to cope up or navigate the moment wherein the other party don’t reciprocate the interest. Men have become lot less arousing to women and women are lot less inspiring to men.

It’s an irony that the more a new avenue opens up (especially non-physical ) to meet someone new, the more boundaries will be created in the ecosystem.

The common narrative will be, ‘ who meets someone like that in a grocery store’.

Another interesting example came up in my mind; a friend of mine lives in Stockholm, Sweden. He told me that in Scandinavian countries bar/clubs before 10pm or thereabouts each individual sticks to their own coterie. Thereafter which, the alcohol effect seeps in and mingling starts to happen slowly and gradually. And by the end of the night, when the body system is high on alcohol, some hook ups may happen. So technically there is a 10pm to 2 am boundary within which a man plays his role and a woman plays her role.

These boundaries are just mental construct. However they limit the abundance and quality of dating and relationship life for both man and woman.

It is essential for us to become aware of these boundaries we are creating in our head and limiting the quality of life with opposite sex.

Having Said all these, I have one message for my men readers:

There are few men for whom, women won’t draw a boundary. These Men command a presence, that women (few) will drop the social narratives of what is an appropriate or inappropriate channel to meet men. They meet women in the most unlikely places. They don’t have to sway from their day to day life to meet a woman.

My primary work as a Dating Coach in India is to facilitate and train men to come to a point of becoming a boundaries-less men.

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