In mid 2000’s there was a popular T.V. show named Sopranos. The primary character was played by James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano, a mafia boss. In the T.V. show James character was portrayed as a man respected by all, even feared to some degree. So, why am I bringing this to your notice here?
Well you may be surprised to know that he was voted alongside the likes of Brad Pitt and Leonardo Di Caprio as one of most sexiest man alive at the time by numerous magazines and publications based on their survey with women. Not only that, he was also widely seen as a desirable mating partner to most women.
And the reason behind his Sex appeal can be summed up in one word, and that is “Respect”… As I mentioned earlier, his character of Tony was seen as feared in some corners and respected across the board. He was certainly not likeable to other characters in the show. In essence, the reason he garnered so much sexual attention from women is because women Respected him as a man.
Does it suggest that he was not likeable?
Well, to put it succinctly, he was not the likeable kind. But the matter of the fact is, if a man is seen as arousing to a woman, for her (in her mind) he is sweet, likeable, charming, etc.
Unfortunately James Gandolfini is no more.
Where am I taking you here, and what am I suggesting?
Firstly, I want to make it clear, what I am Not suggesting: One cannot be likeable and respected at the same time.
The context here is strictly limited to Dating and Relationships, with men being put under the microscope of women.
A clarification is needed because the concept of being respected and likeable may vary in other aspects of life. For example, it is better to be a likeable junior in filmmaking over trying to command respect, and this is simply because in some aspects of life, being likeable at early to mid level stages really helps. Anyways, moving forward.
As we are growing up, in various quarters only those behaviors are encouraged which will make us seen likeable to other people. For example a young kid is encouraged to share his toys with other kids even though he hates to do it, as teenagers we are pressurize to Greet elders in certain way (touching the feet, Salam, etc) even if innately feel unreasonable or we are discouraged to expressed our opinions and seem agreeable to our elders and this goes on and on until pandering to others becomes our second nature.
Fair Enough, it’s not bad to teach a teenager to greet his elders and ask a kid to share his toys.
But we are also discouraged to express our emotions/opinions and live with it. For example a kid will never be encouraged to do whatever he wants to with his toys in presence of other kids and face the ire of other kids, a teenager will never be encouraged to always express his views in front of elders, especially visiting elders and face the music of their counter views. I know my examples are not very sophisticated, but I just want to make a point and move on to the core of the subject.
There is old common knowledge, ‘women cannot be aroused or feel attracted in sexual sense by a man, until she respects him”.
What does respect mean here?
We always find ourself respecting another person for myriad of reasons; may be he/she is a wise elder, a high position in society, our bosses, etc. I am Not referring to this respect.
Respect here specifically means to respect the Manhood of the man, his pride in his Animalistic nature to experience and thrust women, his unapologetic attitude, his clarity of thought, willing to draw a stern line when a woman misbehaves (drawing line can also imply throwing her from his life for good), spontaneity of him, his ability to make a move and lead, willingness to pay price for his expression and stand by it, his pride in sexual nature of man, his ability to tune to the vibe of women, etc..
I am going to say something unpopular, woman are naturally evolved to feel Relax and Proper in the space of a Man who is in touch with his monster/animal aspect of him, and is unapologetic to express it, but with restraint. Respect is embedded here.
Am I am inviting you men to be inappropriate (so to speak) a tad bit?
Maybe … 😉🤫
What about a man who has or makes LOADS of money? Doesn’t he command respect in sexual sense?
It certainly does, because loads of money allows a man to be more of himself because he may get away with lot of actions. But it’s not the money but what money brings on the table for him and her.
But why does Respect matters so much, in context of being seen as a Sexually viable man?
Well, it’s simply nature of things and it’s unnecessary to go into an academic debate of this aspect. Just accept it.
Can a man be both likeable and respected in context of our conversation?
Well, it turns out the journey of being respected in the space of Manhood runs contrary in most parts to journey of being likeable kind.
One commonly practiced example, a man playing with his personal time to accomdate wishes of a woman like picking her up and dropping her on a regular basis, when it can be handle by herself. Offcouse there are times due to reasonable reasons like safety, a man must pick up or drop her.
Sometimes these behaviors are so sub conscious and rooted in infatuation that men unknowingly rationalized why they should do a certain act, as one case cited above.
These behaviors over period of time, leads to women losing respect for a man, and its unconscious.
The larger point is Respect and Likeablility is seen as one, which is not the case.
Can a Man be both likeable and respected by a woman he is infatuated by or in a relationship with?
Certainly yes, it’s a tricky balance that one has to act maturely. To speak about these tricky nuances is a complex topic to discuss here.
Can you regain respect of a woman, specifically in the context of our references here?
Yes. But not immediately and suddenly changing your behaviors. This has to be gradual and visible in your core nature. Just by changing your actions from tomorrow won’t convince her.
How can One become a Man who is Respected in a sense that is sexually attractive?
There are two books I would suggest to read: One is No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover and Second is Way of a Superior Man by David Deida. However, let me inform you that these two books will just bring the awareness and some changes here and there. Other than that HIRE ME 🙂
On a serious note, my understanding is that when a man overcomes being hijacked by a woman’s physicality and sex and yet celebrate it; he naturally acts in accordance to his natural Manhood.
